What it means to have it all differs for each of us. But deep down every one of us knows what it means on a personal level. It usually includes feeling good, having great relationships, doing what we love every day, and enjoying financial freedom. Sometimes the picture of what having it all looks like isn’t easy to see. Sometimes, we hide from it. We say to ourselves: It’s good I don’t have a clear vision for what I want, that’s being rigid. I’m more open this way. Besides, being clear about our dreams can make us feel lofty and naïve, especially if they feel far away.
The real reason we avoid getting clear on our vision for having it all, is because part of us knows that clarity sets the tides in motion. Clarity of intent is the first step of manifestation. Why on Earth would anyone avoid having everything they want? Well, there are actually more reasons than most of us realize. Valid reasons. We’re not always aware of why we prevent ourselves from having it all. It’s because we’re afraid of what will happen if we do get clear. Awareness itself sets change in motion and parts of us are invested in keeping things as they are.
So, let’s explore the most common reasons we might avoid having it all, with a desire to understand. Know that any of these reasons can be turned around and used as a reason to embrace having it all, instead of avoiding it.
6 Reasons You Might Avoid Having It All
1. Fear of Making Others Jealous. If the people you love are prone to jealousy, you may unconsciously hold yourself back because you don’t want to make them jealous. On a deep and often unconscious level, you feel like you have to choose between their love and your own success. A good antidote for this fear comes from the book The Big Leap: “I expand every day in abundance, success, and love, as I inspire others to do the same.” The antidote is seeing your success as a source of inspiration for others.
2. Primal Guilt. Doing what you love for a living can feel a luxury. Especially in a culture where people collectively have “The Mondays” because they hate what they do and want to take a hatchet to their desktop. It’s common to feel guilty for not torturing yourself in a cubicle, like everyone else. For many artists, especially with the reinforcement of The Starving Artist Paradigm, the idea of doing what they love AND making a living at it is just too much. It’s very common to hold yourself back simply because you don’t want to feel guilty for things getting too good—as you would if you were doing what you loved and thriving at it too. But the truth is, there’s no limit to the amount of success, money, happiness, or love that’s available. Having more does not mean less for others, so there’s no reason to feel guilty. On the contrary, when you feel happier, you literally raise the collective vibration of the planet.
3. To Avoid Being Too Different. One of your primary love languages as a child, was to mimic those you loved. Walking around in your parents’ shoes was your way of saying: I love you so much! I want to be just like you. Even if you don’t want to copy your parents as an adult, that little kid is still inside you. No matter how old we get, and long after they’re gone, part of us always wants to stay connected to them. And being different from them, like becoming wealthy when they were poor, or following your dreams when they weren’t even clear what theirs were, can feel like a violation. Due to a sense of loyalty, we seldom let ourselves become happier than our parents. But there are ways to connect to your parents that allow you to feel free to be different from them in any way you want to and also feel loved no matter what—that’s what’s necessary to free yourself from this fear.
4. You’re Afraid You Don’t Deserve It. On some level, most people in our culture are afraid there’s something wrong with them. You may be afraid that if you do shoot for moon, you won’t make it—and have a long way to fall. You may then assume that your lack of success is evidence you didn’t deserve it in the first place. If this fear is strong enough, it will keep you from being honest with yourself about what you truly desire and feel called to create. The realty is, we all deserve to have our heart’s desires, simply because we’re alive. Success comes through repeated actions and persistence. If you stay committed to your vision for having it all (through repeated action), it will become realized.
5. You’re Afraid You’ll Lose Yourself, and Become An Egotistical Asshole. You might not have thought of this one, at least not on a conscious level anyway. But this fear is really common, the closer you get to living your dream and often while you are. The fear is that you’ll lose your sense of self. Struggle and challenge can be very character building and give you a sense of who you are. There are plenty of cultural examples of people who become selfish and greedy when they create wealth and success, but the truth is, the fact that you’re concerned about this at all means it won’t happen. Even if it did for a moment, you’d catch yourself and adjust.
6. To Avoid Critics and Internet Trolls. Having it all usually comes with being seen—in ways that makes you and your creations vulnerable to critics. Not everyone has the same taste, so not everyone will necessarily be thrilled with what you do. If you don’t have a handle on how you’ll handle that yet, you might unconsciously putting yourself in the situation where others can criticize you. It can be devastating to get a bad review from a powerful critic or have to deal with internet trolls. Just remember, people are people and if someone is invested in trying to bring you down, it’s almost always to make themselves feel better—to literally steal some of your energy, like a psychic vampire. There are many great ways to deal with this fear, such as transforming your own inner critic, strengthening your boundaries, and realizing that any publicity or attention you receive means your work is being seen—the more you receive, the more you’re being seen. You can even come to a place where you celebrate feedback of any kind, positive or negative. For more inspiration in overcoming this fear, watch a few episodes of Celebrities Read Mean Tweets on YouTube, they handle some of the harshest trolls by laughing.
Every one of these reasons to avoid having it all can be overcome. They can each be made into fuel for having it all and making your greatest dreams come true.
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