6 Reasons Why You Avoid “Having It All”
What it means to have it all differs for every person. But deep down, you know what it means for you, on a personal level. Having it all usually includes feeling good, having great relationships, doing what you love every day, and enjoying financial freedom. But sometimes it’s hard to envision what having it all might even look like for you.
You might hide from a vision of what you truly want. You might say to yourself: It’s good I don’t have a clear vision for what I want, that’s being rigid. I’m more open this way.
Besides, being clear about your dreams can make you feel lofty and naïve, especially if they feel far away.
The real reason you may avoid getting clear on your vision for having it all, is because part of you knows that clarity sets the tides in motion.
Clarity of intent is the first step of manifestation.
Why on Earth would you avoid having everything you want?
Well, there are actually more valid reasons for that than you might imagine.
It’s very important to understand WHY you might be avoiding what you truly want, so you can turn the reason to avoid your dreams into the reason you must embrace them. So, let’s explore the most common reasons you might avoid having it all.
Why You Might Avoid Having It All
1. Fear of Making Others Jealous
If the people you love are prone to jealousy, you may unconsciously hold yourself back because you don’t want to make them jealous. On a deep and often unconscious level, you feel like you must choose between their love and your own success. A good antidote for this fear comes from the book The Big Leap. “I expand every day in abundance, success, and love, as I inspire others to do the same.” The antidote is seeing your success as a source of inspiration for others.
2. Primal Guilt
Doing what you love for a living can be a luxury. Especially in a culture where people collectively have “The Mondays” because they hate what they do and want to take a hatchet to their desktop. It’s common to feel guilty for not torturing yourself in a cubicle, like everyone else. For many artists, especially with the reinforcement of The Starving Artist Paradigm, the idea of doing what they love AND making a living at it is just too much. It’s very common to hold yourself back simply because you don’t want to feel guilty for things getting too good–as you would if you were doing what you loved and thriving at it too. But the truth is, there’s no limit to the amount of success, money, happiness, or love that’s available. Having more does not mean less for others, so there’s no reason to feel guilty. On the contrary, when you feel happier, you literally raise the collective vibration of the planet.
3. To Avoid Being Too Different
One of your primary love languages as a child, was to mimic those you loved. Walking around in your parents’ shoes was your way of saying: I love you so much! I want to be just like you. Even if you don’t want to copy your parents as an adult, that little kid is still inside you. No matter how old we get, and long after they’re gone, part of us always wants to stay connected to them. And being different from them, like becoming wealthy when they were poor, or following your dreams when they weren’t even clear what theirs were, can feel like a violation. Due to a sense of loyalty, we seldom let ourselves become happier than our parents. But there are ways to connect to your parents that allow you to feel free to be different from them in any way you want to while still feeling loved no matter what—that’s what’s necessary to free yourself from this fear.
4. You’re Afraid You Don’t Deserve It
On some level, most people in our culture are afraid there’s something wrong with them. You may be afraid that if you do shoot for moon, you won’t make it—and have a long way to fall. You may then assume that your lack of success is evidence you didn’t deserve it in the first place. If this fear is strong enough, it will keep you from being honest with yourself about what you truly desire and feel called to create. The reality is, we all deserve to have our heart’s desires, simply because we’re alive. Success comes through repeated actions and persistence. If you stay committed to your vision for having it all (through repeated action), it will become realized.
5. You’re Afraid You’ll Lose Yourself and Become An Egotistical A-hole
You may not have thought of this one, at least not on a conscious level anyway. This fear is very common as you get closer to living your dream and often, while you are. The fear is that you’ll lose your sense of self. Struggle and challenge can be very character building and give you a sense of who you are. There are plenty of cultural examples of people who become selfish and greedy when they create wealth and success, but the truth is, the fact that you’re concerned about this at all means it won’t happen. Even if it did for a moment, you’d catch yourself and adjust.
6. To Avoid Critics and Internet Trolls
Having it all usually comes with being seen—in ways that makes you and your creations vulnerable to critics. Not everyone has the same taste, so not everyone will necessarily be thrilled with what you do. If you don’t have a handle on how you’ll handle that yet, you may be unconsciously putting yourself in the situation where others can criticize you. It can be devastating to get a bad review from a powerful critic or have to deal with Internet trolls. Just remember, people are people and if someone is invested in trying to bring you down, it’s almost always to make themselves feel better—to literally steal some of your energy, like a psychic vampire. There are many great ways to deal with this fear, such as transforming your own inner critic, strengthening your boundaries, and realizing that any publicity or attention you receive means your work is being seen—the more you receive, the more you’re being seen. You can even come to a place where you celebrate feedback of any kind, positive or negative. For more inspiration in overcoming this fear, watch a few episodes of Celebrities Read Mean Tweets on YouTube, they handle some of the harshest Trolls by laughing.
Every one of these reasons to avoid having it all can be overcome. They can be made into fuel for having it all and making your greatest dreams come true.
If you are ready to overcome your own personal obstacles so you can have it all, I’d love to help. You can set a consultation with me right here.